It's Personal
A few weeks ago I was rejected for a position I really wanted. I wrote about it at length here. Details are not important or interesting enough to go into a second time, but I felt the sting of this rejection again this evening. And since this happened while I was watching the World Series, I’ll quote the great Yogi Berra to describe how this feels, “It’s deja vu all over again.”
I text a friend of mine who is in the job market looking for someone to commiserate with—misery loves company after all. She’s been the victim of more shitty recruiting processes over the last few weeks than any one person should endure in a lifetime. A recruiter extending verbal offers and then ghosting, an in-person interview scheduled for an hour turned into being held hostage meeting every team member for over 5 hours and multiple rejection emails the moment her application is submitted are just the most egregious offences. Miracuously, she’s taking it all in stride and has a infectiously positive attitude.
As we were texting, I commented that rejection sucks. She replied, “Yeah, it’s hard to not take it personally.” Thing is, it is personal.
Just Business is BS
I was in HR long enough to have seen many versions of the old, “It’s not personal, it’s just business” line delivered to countless people. Honestly, it was almost always personal in some way. In most cases the person wasn’t a culture fit, wasn’t performing or had attendance issues. What’s more personal than your personality, skills and abilities or work ethic?
I’ve always struggled with disconnecting the personal from professional. When work isn’t going well, it definitely affects my homelife. And I’ll admit, even if it has negative career consequences, that if I’m having a hard time at home, it affects my work. If this isn’t the case for you, you must be a drone. I suppose being a drone will work out well for you when AI and automation take over the world—you’ll fit in just fine.
In my experience, the biggest advocates of formal on-the-job behavior tend to be the worst co-workers. Often the people who profess their commitment to professionalism tend to hide behind it as an excuse to be less than kind. I’ve witnessed this from more HR “pro” coworkers than I care to admit. In my book, professionalism is more about kindness and helping those around you succeed, and less about wardrobe, prim and proper language and always being right.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I do not expect everyone I work with to want to be my friend, but any time people are interacting with one another, it’s personal. This is a good thing because I’m pretty sure I grate the overly “professional” types the wrong way. They tend to dislike my friendly, familiar and positive demeanor. I’m okay with this.
Rejection is Personal
The truth is, if I’m passed over for a position, it all boils down to my personal shortcomings. When my skills, attributes, education, personality, etc are being evaluated, it’s personal. And it feels that way too. This doesn’t diminish the necessity of business decisions to select the most qualified candidate OR change the pain those decisions cause the rejected party. It is, however, foolish to pretend it’s not personal.
Not much stings more than rejection. Sure, it can be an opportunity to assess areas for improvement, but in order to do that you first have to admit your shortcomings. That’s tough. Necessary, but tough. And personal evaluation process is, imagine this, personal.
The good news is I’m not actively pursuing new roles. I’m happy with the work I’m doing with BrandFlick and I have a handful of other projects keeping me busy. This definitely eases the pain of this double rejection. I’m still working on the how, but eventually I’ll land a role like this one. I take comfort in knowing I’ll get there when the time is right. In the meantime, a finger or ten of bourbon will help me forget my woes.
Let’s have some fun with this. Give me some recruiting horror stories or tales of rejection. Shoot me an email at mollie@midlifepickle.com or drop a comment below. We’ve all been there, let’s laugh at and with each other.
