Distinguished Wedding Guest
Today is our 19th wedding anniversary. We got hitched just three short days before 9-11-01, launching into wedded bliss as the world changed forever. However, this is not the most interesting thing about our wedding.
I extended a wedding invite to George W. and Laura Bush, but they promptly and politely declined. This is just as well, as he may have drank too much beer and been less capable of dealing with the 9-11 aftermath. We forged ahead and were thrilled to have all of our family and friends joining us for our special day.
Our wedding took place on my parents’ farm in Grant’s Lick, Kentucky. We had a big white tent on top of a hill where you can see for miles around. All 250+ guests partook in great food and lots of beer. Hell, the Cookie Jar Bakery wedding cake was so good we ate every last bite, forgoing the cake topper in the freezer tradition. Let’s be honest, that’s gross anyway.
On second thought, not all of our guests enjoyed the food and booze. Our most distinguished guest, Suzy Sawmill, stood on the backside of the tent staring blankly at the crowd. Suzy donned a denim dress, straw hat and several plastic leis and refused to dance. Did I mention Suzy Sawmill is a mannequin.
If you were at my wedding, or know my dad, it will come as no surprise that Jerry Braun brought a mannequin with two right arms and missing left hand to our wedding. And if you know me, you’ll know I just rolled with it and laughed at the absurdity of a disfigured department store dummy lingering in the background.
Just imagine the obscene number of wedding selfies Suzy would have been a part of had we gotten married just 10 or so years later. Can you imagine the Facebook and Instagram likes for Miss Suzy!
Is there a lesson in this? I’d say for any brides planning their wedding, expect the unexpected. Nobody will remember the perfect flowers or how the icing was piped on the cake, but they will remember the guests and the things that are a little off. Suzy Sawmill was definitely a little off, but I’m sure glad she was our distinguished guest.
