Aug 20

Aug 20 The Best Parenting Advice You’ll Ever Get

My friend/stylist, Allison, is in the throes of parenting two boys, 2 and under. As she colored and cut my hair this morning, I was taken back to how challenging and lonely motherhood is at that stage. While having kids who are only 15 months apart is great when they’re 9 and 10, babies and toddlers are stressful—clutter is inevitable, somebody is always hungry and diapers are endless.

Being in the golden age of parenting—those fleeting years where kids are able to bathe, dress and feed themselves yet still enjoy spending time with their parents—is fairly low key in comparison to preschool days. Sure, life is getting more hectic with school, sports and work schedules ramping up, but we still have time for board games, cuddling on the couch and evening bike rides.

I can’t speak to the teenage years, which I’m sure will be a new level of conflict and worry, but right now things are great. So much so, I teared up as I typed that because I know this is a precious window of time that will be in our rearview before I’m ready.

Back to two under 2. Wow, that was beyond exhausting. Preschoolers needs are non-stop and the expectations of new mothers are well beyond reasonable. Sure, most of that is self-inflicted, but some of it comes from society, family members and worst of all, other mothers. It seems like everyone has an opinion about what is best for your offspring and they’re all too happy to share with you.

I started parenthood just as social media was emerging. I remember seeing pictures of mothers with their kids looking coiffed and portrait ready on a Tuesday afternoon. I hadn’t yet connected the dots that people were putting their best foot forward at all times, so it was easy to assume I wasn’t doing as good a job mothering as everyone else. That skewed viewpoint is an easy trap when spending a lot of time at home, without much contact with the outside world.

In due time I realized comparing my parenting to anybody else was ridiculous. All families are different and kids’ needs and circumstances vary wildly. Also, if I’m not modeling authenticity with my children, how will they learn to be true to themselves? This is why I slaughter my sons at UNO, tell them to walk it off when they get hurt and take them on hot dates to fancy restaurants, insisting they hold the door and walk on the street side of the sidewalk. I am who I am, and they know who I am by the way I interact with them.

So enough with my ramblings, are you ready for my parenting advice? Well, here it is:

Ignore parenting advice.

That’s all, folks. Do what you think is best and love your kids. Nobody else can help you as much as your gut instincts.

And to my friend, Allison, hang in there. The golden years are less than a decade away. Oh, and thanks for the magic hair!

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