Based in Northern Kentucky, Midlife Pickle is a blog by Mollie Bentley exploring the shock that she is smack dab in the middle of life.

Stranger Danger

Stranger Danger

Mollie Bentley
Musings

As I’ve shared openly before, my weight has been an ongoing struggle and the source of shame, disappointment and frustration (click here to get the full scoop). This ongoing struggle has helped me develop compassion and understanding for others that I’m not sure would have happened had I always been a size 8.

Several years ago I lost 50 pounds over the course of 6 months. The rapid transformation made it easy to see the contrast between how I was received, or more accurately ignored, by people when I was obese and feeling constantly self-conscious, and how I was welcomed once I lost some pounds and grew self-confidence.

I can’t say with certainty why this shift happened. Was it my physical transformation or was it my newfound attitude? I did note that this was especially apparent with men, who I’ve come to realize tend to ignore women unless they a) find them sexually attractive or b) can benefit from associating with them professionally or socially. I’m not even mad about that, it’s just an observation I’ve had in my 42 years. Guys, please correct me if I’m wrong here…

What I do know for certain is that going from feeling invisible, and trying to because I desperately wanted to hide my body out of shame, to having people readily engage was shocking. I distinctly remember sitting at a traffic light and having a younger guy wave at me and smile. I looked over my shoulder assuming there was someone on the sidewalk he was flirting with. By the time I realized I was the target of his affection, the light had changed and he sped off. I’m pretty sure I walked a little taller the rest of the day—funny how friendly interaction and feeling desirable can boost one’s mood.

As I continued to lose weight and gain confidence I noticed that more and more people approached me. I got random smiles from strangers, men and women alike. Kids were more likely to speak to me and babies made eye contact. I never felt passed over in the deli or when buying a drink from a bar. Suddenly, I was thrust into the land of the acknowledged and I loved it.

As this became my new norm, I thought about how important eye contact was in feeling acknowledged and how a simple grin connected me to other people. With my new-found confidence, I started trying to make eye contact and smile at everyone I encountered.

At first it was awkward. I sometimes looked away before smiling or felt rejected when someone wouldn’t look at me. But with a little practice, I perfected the lock eyes and smile. To this day, I do this wherever I go.

I know people say it’s dangerous to open yourself up to strangers, but I say it’s safer than putting your head down and walking as if you’re afraid. You’re more likely to be a victim if you aren’t able to identify someone’s face. And maybe I’m naive, but I imagine it’s harder for someone with ill-intent to follow through if there has been some level of humanity displayed by the potential victim. My husband disagrees with this entire paragraph but we’ve agreed to disagree. Well, I have agreed to disagree and he still thinks I should be more cautious. I assure him I’m not foolish enough to put myself in harm’s way and do appreciate that he’s concerned for my well-being, but I digress…

A few years ago I was stuck in a two hour traffic jam on I-71 headed to Louisville. I ended up getting out of my car and chatting with an over-the-road truck driver who told me his life story and then some. And boy, was it a doozie. If I had sat in my car staring at my phone, my neck would have been stiff, nothing would have been as entertaining as this guy who’d seen the country 100x over and I would never have gotten the idea to use avocado in my morning smoothie.

Sure, Ted the avocado fan could have murdered me (highly unlikely in the middle of the interstate with cars all around) but I refuse to be suspicious of every person I meet. While I would not have accepted a ride in his big rig, I think having a conversation about our lives is perfectly acceptable and enjoyable. If more people had those interactions, we’d all be less angry at people we deem as “different” or “other.”

The moral of the story is smiling at a woman on the street, chatting with an elderly man in the line at Kroger or having a two hour conversation with a truck driver in the middle of a major highway is my way of showing others that every individual matters. You matter.

And the biggest added bonus, when I smile, I’m automatically in a better mood. While I’m spreading joy and positivity, I’m getting it in return. It’s the unlikely win-win!

I suggest you put the stranger danger aside and start smiling. Maybe it makes that person’s day just a tiny bit better. That’s certain to spread well beyond that short interaction, causing a ripple effect of positivity. Come on, give it a try. And if you do, be sure to let me know how it goes.

Nature is Metal

Nature is Metal
Week Twelve - Walk This Way

Week Twelve - Walk This Way