The 3 Little Pigs: Expectations, Potential, & Self-Esteem

Expectations are a dangerous game. Setting them too low and you’ll never fail, but also never grow. Set them too high and you’ll get discouraged. Worry about others’ expectations and you’ll be miserable. Have expectations of others and you’ll most certainly be disappointed.

Expectations live next door to potential. Sure, it sounds good to talk about high-potential employees and the potential of a high school athlete, but if that potential isn’t realized is there any way to prove it was ever there in the first place? What does potential even mean? I know super smart people who failed out of college and high school drop outs who run successful businesses. Nobody spoke about the potential of the drop out when in reality he was the one with the determination, guts, and grit to make it happen.

And What about self-esteem? You can only achieve self-esteem through your own hard work and accomplishments—by knowing you tried your best and were able to succeed. Yet, we have movements and school programs to build the self-esteem of others. By definition, isn’t that impossible?

All three of these concepts have plagued me at one time or another. I’ve often made decisions to please others and realize their expectations of me. I’ve frequently strived to be seen as having potential. In 6th grade, I lobbied to be placed in the gifted and talented program only to be swiftly denied access. And at jobs I’ve strived to be labeled hi-po only to be relegated to “above average” at best, despite my glowing performance reviews.

And self-esteem...sigh. If you’ve read more than one post on this blog, I’m sure it’s apparent that this is something I’ve struggled with for at least 35 years. The hardest part is my self-esteem issues have bi-polar tendencies. I’ll go from being proud of my accomplishments to feeling like a complete failure in a matter of minutes. The times I feel the lowest are when I know I’m not doing my absolute best. This is why I get so confused when people try to build up others’ self esteem. I’ve been down the road of deriving my self-worth from external sources and if I recall that was how I ended up trying to live up to others’ expectations just so I could get a hit of praise to keep my mental state high. Talk about a situation that has potential for disaster!

I’m going to do my best to refrain from thinking or speaking about the three little pigs—expectations, potential, and self-esteem. These concepts hog the happiness and peace that comes from accepting ourselves while working hard to improve. I propose we slaughter the use of these words because they’re nonsensical concepts that only lead to disappointment and confusion. Come at me if you think I’m wrong.