Power Shift
Over the last six months I’ve managed to quit two lucrative jobs and turn down several opportunities for others. For the most part, I’m okay with these decisions and am happy to be working on projects that excite me, but the one doubt that lingers is the effect this has on my family, especially my husband.
In order for me to focus my attention on writing, building a business and getting in shape, Jason is picking up the slack—taking on nearly 100% of the financial responsibility for our family. He is supportive of this decision, that we made together, but I can tell he sometimes finds the change in lifestyle frustrating.
With double our current income, we were used to being able to purchase whatever we wanted, pretty much whenever we wanted. If we decided to go out to dinner, there was never discussion about what we chose to eat or if we drank several adult beverages. We didn’t hesitate to buy the boys a new pair of shoes just because their old ones were looking ratty. Regularly spending $250 at the grocery store was no big deal.
As of late, we’re back to considering our purchases just like when our boys were very young and I was working part-time. While it’s great for our boys to be exposed to financial discipline, something we should have been doing anyway, I can’t help but feel a bit guilty for not contributing more.
This isn’t the first time in our marriage that Jason has taken on the burden of financial support. What I know from experience—I’ve made nothing, less than, the same and more than Jason—money is one source of power in a relationship.
While the bulk of this issue falls on me and my insecurities, knowing I’m not earning money makes me feel as if I do not have the right to spend it. I’ve gotten to the point where I feel compelled to ask before making a purchase over $40. And while this logistically makes sense in any relationship with shared accounts, it creates an equality deficit.
There are several things I currently need—new athletic shoes, socks, workout clothes to name a few—but I wouldn’t dare spend money on those things because I know those funds are needed elsewhere. I’m certain if I mentioned this to Jason, he’d tell me to buy what I want, but I don’t want to strain our budget any more that it already is.
Part of me wants to get a 9-5 where I earn a steady paycheck and we can go back to our old ways. But what would that show my boys? That money is more important than creating work that you're proud of and they should give up on a goal when things get a little uncomfortable.
Instead, I’m going to continue down this path. I’ll trust Jason at his word that he is fully bought into the vision that I have for my career. I will continue to model hard work and sacrifice to Ollie and Harry so they can see that anything worthwhile comes at a cost. Most importantly, I’ll give this all I got so that all three of the fellas in my life will reap the benefits of our choices.
I’d love to hear from you. Are you the sole financial support in your family? How does that burden shade the decisions you make? Are you dependent upon your partner for financial support? How does that affect the decisions you make?
