Do you get as many pickle ads as I do?
Over the last year I drastically scaled back my social media consumption. This was a gradual evolution because I was using Facebook and LinkedIn more and more for work, so scrolling through those feeds in my off time became unappealing. While it was an unconscious decision, I soon found more time to focus on reading, listening to podcasts and actually paying attention to people in my presence.
Over a short period of time, I realized the value of keeping up with cousins and sharing photos with friends was outweighed by the divisive nature of political posts and the self-doubt inducing humble bragging of many of my connections. I remained somewhat active on multiple networks, but I perfected the post and dip and refrained from incessant checking for likes. Even when I stopped using social media for work, I didn’t hang around scrolling for hours looking for that quick dopamine hit.
Over the last couple of months, I’ve ramped up my social media usage with a vengeance. Promoting my new gig with BrandFlick and launching this blog with Facebook, Instagram and Twitter to support it, has thrust me back into the grind. It’s also given me the chance to view my relationship with social media through a fresh lens.
On Instagram we show our most attractive pics, most of which took at least 35 takes before the angle, lighting and smiles are just right. On Facebook, we share our fun-filled vacations, stylish homes and perfect children. On Twitter we call out famous people we disagree with from behind the protection of our keyboard. On LinkedIn we espouse our early morning routine suggesting if we get up at 4am like Mark Cuban we’re just as successful. Don’t even get me started with the 45-year-old men using Snapchat filters…
I consider myself a very genuine person, but I’m guilty of putting my best foot forward—a foot that I’ve considered photoshopping from a size 9.5 to a 7.5. And while I understand that it’s not necessarily helpful to air one’s dirty laundry for the entire world, being overly concerned with a superficial image isn’t healthy either.
What’s the motivation behind all of these inflated lives and false imagery? I propose it’s to convince ourselves we have the life we want.
Middle age means you have things pretty well set. Most people have partners and children who are living, breathing people with flaws. Middle age is where careers are supposed to be at their peak, but unless you’ve sought out new challenges, the day-to-day is mundane and boring. After spending all of our 20’s and most of our 30’s working to set up this life, we are compelled to tell anybody who will listen how great our plans worked out—especially ourselves.
Then it happens—you see your college nemesis with a luxury car you didn’t even know you wanted, your coworker goes on your dream vacation, your neighbor broke ground on a new house and your husband’s 31-year-old cousin just got promoted to VP. Meanwhile, your mortgage is a budget stretch, your wife has been crabby for three weeks, your only work ally just transferred departments and your son’s braces decimated your vacation fund. That life you worked so hard to build has lost its luster.
The thing we need to remind ourselves is that the college nemesis works 80 hours a week and barely has time to drive the damn car, the coworker maxed out her credit cards to go to Bora Bora and the neighbor can only afford that house because his beloved sister died and left him the funds. Oh, and that cousin…he hasn’t gotten laid in 3 years.
I propose that instead of comparing our entire lives to the best parts of our friends’ lives, we spend more time enjoying the life we’ve built. And here’s a novel idea—if you don’t like where you are, get your ass off Instagram and spend time working towards goals that will get you where you want to be. Also, let’s get real. If your brother posts an unflattering picture (I may or may not be speaking from experience), just roll with it. Be thankful you’re able to spend time with loved ones and stop caring what people think about your 3rd chin (my brother is the master of the third chin photography—it’s quite a talent).
While I plan to continue using social media, I vow to represent myself as genuinely as possible. In turn, I will take everything anybody else posts with a grain of salt. Or more accurately, I’ll assume that just because you had a great outing with a group of friends or bought a boat, that doesn’t mean you do not have other problems, pains or heartaches. I will refrain from feeling envious of your good fortune because I know each of us has our own cross to bear.
Oh, and don’t forget that social media is merely a means for advertisers to sell things. I know this first hand because I’ve spent thousands of dollars recruiting on social platforms. At this point, I think we all now know our search and spending habits, as well everything else about us, is used to target us for products, services and politics campaigns. That’s just the tip of the ice burg. Don’t scroll your life away just so you can consume targeted ads to make you want things you don’t need or manipulate you into believing less than truthful information. Of course, it’s pretty eerie how closely they can pinpoint our interests. Is your feed also filled with Vlasic, Mt. Olive and Claussen advertisements?
Finally, if you decide to take a social media break, you can still stay up-to-date with Midlife Pickle. Subscribe to my RSS feed below or sign up for The Weekly Pickle to be delivered to your inbox every Monday evening.
Let’s hear your thoughts on Facebook, Instagram, Geocities, Snapchat, Friendster, etc. Do you use social media more than you would like? What compels you to continue scrolling? If you stopped using social media, what would you do with the free time? Comment below or email me at mollie@midlifepickle.com.
