Fake it 'til...

For decades I assumed most of the people around me had everything figured out—they knew more than me about school, work, relationships and life in general. To survive, I lived and died by fake it ‘til you make it.

The problem with faking is I lost sight of reality. Worse yet, I started to assume that I was a phony, a fake, an imposter. I was constantly looking over my shoulder waiting for someone to call me out on my bullshit. That became a mindset that didn’t change, even when I earned valid credentials.

This hit me when I was meeting with a new acquaintance last week. She asked me several HR questions, all of which I readily knew the answers. A few moments later I commented that I wasn’t sure I was considered an expert in HR. She pounced and quickly pointed out my deep, readily accessible knowledge, professional certification and years of experience.

While I was driving back to my office I realized I’d been faking it so long, I didn’t recognize that I had made it. Years of assuming I was behind the eight ball had formed an internal dialogue habit that I’m not sure I can readily break. Intellectually, I recognize that I have a lot of valuable knowledge and experience, but convincing my heart that I’m worthy of respect as an expert in my field is far more challenging.

I have taken some comfort in the knowledge that nobody has it figured out. This has become more and more obvious since I started this blog. The reactions to my posts have revealed that most people are faking something. We’re all trying to convince ourselves, and everyone around us, that we’re worthy and capable individuals.

On one level, this is great news—I’m not alone in my insecurities. But on a bigger scale, how sad that most of us feel compelled to hide our shortcomings in hopes of seeming more competent.

What motivates this? I think mine stems from the mean girls in middle school who I watched pick on anybody who showed a slight vulnerability. I put up my armor to prevent being one of their victims. Another theory is seeing so many images on tv and in magazines that appeared perfect led me to believe I would never live up to that standard. Or maybe those are just excuses to hide my shame for not working as hard as I can to reach my fullest potential.

Whatever the reason, I’m committing to being more open about my insecurities, asking for help and reassurance when I need it and being aware that others may need a confidence boost as well. Instead of faking it ‘til I make it, I’m going to cultivate confidence in my abilities while being brave enough to be vulnerable when I need guidance or training.

Have you experienced imposter syndrome? Are you confident in your abilities? What are your thoughts on why we need to fake it ‘til we make it?