Coffee Talk with Mollie Braun
I met a high school friend for coffee last week . We’ve been casually connected on social media for years, chatted one time when he was listed as a reference for a candidate I was considering hiring and another time when I was applying for a position with a friend of his. Even though our professional lives have been somewhat parallel, we hadn’t seen each other in years.
Being above average students, way back in 1995, both of us were encouraged to go to college. We both attended Northern Kentucky University solely because it was the only financially viable option. We both floundered a bit in college, changed our majors several times (Marketing, English, Journalism, but never at the same time) and muddled our way through. In the 1990’s, NKU was almost exclusively a commuter school, so I spent the minimum amount of time on campus and didn’t really get involved in activities beyond my required studies. Come to find out, my high school pal had a similar path.
After college, we both got married, bought houses, had kids, and spent 15 years building careers that led us to senior level roles with compensation plans to match. Six months ago I chucked it all to start a blog that generates zero income. He’s still plugging away, disillusioned with his circumstances, but clearly feeling trapped.
As we chatted, I had mixed feelings. It was great to remember how I was the worst witness in the history of CCHS mock trial team, it was interesting to hear his honest perspective on high school and it was depressing to hear that we’re both reevaluating our life and career choices. This is the heart of a midlife crisis—a Midlife Pickle at its finest.
Reconnecting with a person from my distant past was a great way to tap into who Mollie Braun was. It also reminded me that I’m nowhere near who or what I thought I’d be at this point in my life. And maybe that’s a good thing. It also reinforced the fact that I spent the first 40 years of my life doing what other people suggested or accepting the “choice” that was right in front of me.
In 1995 I decided I would be a middle school teacher. If I had followed through, I’d be gearing up to start my 19th year of teaching. Instead, I spent most of the last 19 years in Human Resources, which is a profession I didn’t even know existed until at least 2001—a solid year after working in an HR role.
I started college as an education major because I knew and understood teaching after 13 years of schooling. I didn’t really know of other professions that I felt I had the skillset to pursue. I fell into HR because it was thrust upon me when the person in that role prior to me was fired. All along, I took the path of least resistance—never doing a deep-dive to determine what I really wanted. I suspect I didn’t look deep because I instinctually knew that showing the world who I am takes a lot of bravery and endless amounts of work.
While it’s scary to walk away from the security of a steady paycheck, I’ve learned more about myself the last 6 months than the prior 6 years. My high school pal seemed envious of my current work situation, but when I reminded him of the long list of sacrifices my family has endured, he didn’t seem as willing or able to take the plunge.
For years, I allowed myself to feel trapped by my circumstances. By assuming I needed to make X amount of money to survive and maintain our current lifestyle, I could continue to hide my true self from the world. Once we evaluated our priorities, it became all too obvious that the real issue wasn’t lack of income, but the fear of rejection if I pursued my dreams.
That’s why I’ve spent the last few months peeling back the layers I spent the last 20 years building. It’s a process, but by doing work that truly interests me and is more challenging than I ever imagined, I’m getting closer to the person I have always been at my core. The only difference is I’m no longer hiding my activities, interests and true feelings from the world, waiting for approval from the masses before revealing what I’m into. I’m putting it out there, often anxiously awaiting judgment.
Funny thing has happened though—I’ve been well-received and learned that people are most attracted to authenticity. The more I reveal my dark thoughts and deepest secrets, the more I feel I’m accepted and able to connect with others. I’ve learned though Midlife Pickle that EVERYONE has insecurities and fears being rejected. I bet even Barbara Streisand doesn’t realize her voice is “like buttah.”
So high school friend, if you’re reading this, I get that you can’t walk away from your job—you have kids and responsibilities. Maybe you’ll feel more fulfilled if you make time to do something that speaks to the real you, not the persona you’ve created to survive the corporate world. I fully understand the insecurity of holding together that house of cards, but I bet you’d be surprised how well-received it would be. And if people think you’ve lost your mind, so be it. It’s fun to keep people guessing.
All this thinking about high school has me a get a bit verklepmt. Talk amongst yourselves. I’ll give you a topic…
"Rhode Island is neither a road nor is it an island. Discuss."
