Scary Lonely
I’m an extreme extrovert. I live by the ‘strangers are just friends I haven’t met yet’ mindset. So when my boys’ school announced a caravan driving through the neighborhoods just to wave and say hi, I was just as excited to see the teachers and staff as they were.
Then today I was super busy with work, but I took a break to walk to the subdivision near out house so we could line the parade route. As we waited, I worked on my phone, which subsequently went dead. Hindsight, this was a blessing because it forced me to just sit and enjoy watching my boys ride their scooters on this beautiful spring day. This was also for the best because the moment I saw the caravan a lumped rose in my throat and when I saw my boys’ kindergarten teacher, Mrs. Doyle, the tears filled my eyes.
It is so hard for me to be isolated. I LOVE people. In two short months I’ve befriend the security guards in my new office building. I chat it up with the staff at Ollie’s allergist office and have even convinced them to give Jason hell when he takes O to his appointments. Hell, I’m Facebook friends with more than a couple of the people who work in my local Kroger. My point—wherever I go, I make friends.
It has become more and more apparent that interacting with multiple people is one of the things that brings me great joy. And not having the ability to connect with people is wearing on me.
To cope, I’ve taken to organizing virtual happy hours, Zoom trivia games, FaceTime family calls, neighborhood chats from across the street and sidewalk chalking our driveway. All of these are helping keep my head above water, but no matter what I do it seems that once I try to go to sleep, the sadness takes over.
I fully realize I’m in way better shape than most. I’m able to work from home so we’re okay financially. My boys are safe and learning from home. My parents and in-laws have finally succumbed to the situation and are behaving. I have plenty of food, a comfy home, and every electronic device to help me stay connected and entertained.
But then at night, I feel lonely and a little scared. Scared for my friends and family. Scared of the horrific and lonely death that this disease causes. Scared that we’re just getting started down this path.
This is where I am right now. Sitting alone, missing my friends, and scared. I probably should have just watched The Office in bed until I passed out.
