Lenten Habits
For most of 2019 writing was a big part of my life. I spent several hours every day being creative, interacting on social media, thinking about how to convey my message to a larger audience. I was meeting new people, and reconnecting with old friends while learning about myself.
The problem was I lacked structure. As much as I tried to schedule my day and create good habits, it became apparent I didn’t have the discipline needed to be successful at freelance. Or more accurately, I lacked the discipline to achieve the financial success needed to help support my family in the freelance realm.
As I slipped further and further away from making a significant financial contribution to my family, I slipped into depression. This was a vicious cycle that made it harder and harder for me to practice the discipline I so desperately needed. Feeling down about myself made it more and more difficult to create which perpetuated the depression and so on and so on…
I’ve never been one to equate money with success, but being strapped for months was not pleasant. My family was suffering and my lack of focus and direction meant that I was failing both financially and creatively. It became apparent that I needed to get back to more traditional work.
The search for a full-time job and starting a new one took a toll. When one is down, it takes exponentially more energy and strength to accomplish even the simplest of tasks. So making this employment shift took every bit of my attention. The only obligations I kept were to my boys.
This transition hasn’t been without hiccups. I spent the third week of being employed with a new company quarantined in my bed with the flu. Thankfully, leadership was beyond kind and supportive, but it was certainly not the first impression I wanted to make. Even my healthy weeks have been challenging as I’m rebuilding my daily grind stamina. On top of that, the overwhelming nature of joining a new organization is not to be taken lightly.
Six weeks in, I’m finally starting to balance out—I’m starting to feel like Mollie again. So when my Twitter friend, @TedBauer2003, challenged me to spend Lent creating a good habit, I decided it was time to get back to writing regularly. Besides, all good Catholics need a Lenten ritual.
***Funny side note mostly unrelated…My dad gives up watermelon for Lent every year. I spent much of my childhood trying to trick him into eating watermelon flavored Dum-Dums, Hubba Bubba or Jolly Ranchers. It wasn’t until I was about 25 that I realized he doesn’t ever eat watermelon. That Jerry Braun, he’ll get ya every time…
But back to the matter at hand, I’m hoping I can find a way to balance my creative endeavors with my career ambitions. I’m certain focusing on the daily habit of writing will be a positive step. And I wouldn’t have thought I’d say this a year ago, but I’m happy to be back in an HR role, helping employees and putting my mark on a great organization.
So, that’s where I am. And where I’ve been. And maybe where I’m going. If you’re considering a Lenten journey I suggest one that is reflective, growth-oriented, and gratitude-based. Or, you could just give up watermelon.
